THE IMPACT OF ARGUMENTS

The impact that arguments have is detrimental in so many ways. And although it may give the person who has started or instigated it a domineering sense of power over someone, it can cause the person on the other end to feel anxious, uneasy, hurt, emotionally disturbed, afflicted, criticized, belittled, insecure, and worthless. It can cause division and, in some cases, make it difficult or nearly impossible to reconcile.

All of this is contrary to what God wants. He wants us to love one another, be in unity, and live in peaceful co-existence with one another. And in fact, God the Father would prefer us to be Christ-like and please Him in thought, purpose, and action like His son Jesus Christ did.

Recognizing the harm that arguments can do, a good resource to have is the ability to recognize and understand the different argument styles, and know that you do have the ability to agree to disagree and keep it respectful. YOU CAN DO THIS! No matter what your style is you should show respect and kindness.

These are the different argument styles that have been identified by experts.

• The Attacker has an inclination to point fingers at people.        
• The Defender feels rejected, made wrong, criticized, and feels the need to defend himself.
• The Pursuer wants to continue an argument even though the person with whom he is arguing wants to take a pause and possibly cool down.
• The Competitor is assertive, uncooperative and wants to dominate someone.
• The Collaborator aims to reach a consensus. He listens to both sides but won’t take a side.
• The Accommodator is willing to sacrifice his own needs in order to get through conflict.
• The Deal Maker will always bargain to get results.
• The Up-and-Over Arguer- doesn’t address conflict directly but will go higher to someone with more power.
• The Conflict-Avoidance Arguer protects working relationships through the ability to let things go. They may say, “Okay, that’s no big deal. But by their unwillingness to engage, their valuable input is never heard.

Before I close, I would like to share with you two statements.

The first was made by Mark Twain who said:

Never argue with someone stupid. They will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

The second quote is by Anthony Guccardi.

Toxic people usually belong to one of the above-named argument groups. Arguing with a toxic person is like trying to argue with an actor in a play. It doesn’t matter what you say, they will stick to their lines, because it is the only role they know.

Plus, they display narcissistic qualities.

• They don’t care about or try to understand the other person.
• They are ill-equipped to have mature conversations or to resolve conflicts
• They prefer provoking, bullying, and intimidating
• They may yell at you, call you names.
• They are over emotional and try to hurt you.
• They blatantly lie, threaten, and may be physically aggressive.
• They look for people who will side with them and tell them you are wrong or evil and that they are right and good.
• They lie, smear, slander, gossip, stalk, and use other forms of social aggression.

CONCLUSION

This post was not meant to single out anyone in particular. If anyone feels singled out, he or she should do some self-examination to see why they feel that way. One can always learn to argue in a different way, especially since kindness goes further (which is more effective) than anger or hostility. To argue or have different opinions is fine, but we all must learn to respect one another and listen, maybe learn, and discuss issues.

The question is “Will you make the effort to be kinder when you disagree?”

Did you learn something new from this post? Please comment below.